13 June, 2018
“When you give up the things you hold so dearly and surrender them to Me, you will never be short-changed.”
I spent the past 10 years of my life working very hard and little did I realize that in the midst of building my ‘kingdom’ and ‘future security’, I have given all my heart, energy, time and loyalty to the work that I am doing. When making decisions and choosing which tasks to do, the work always get the top priority and the rest can wait.
In July 2017, I received news that I had lost the regional distributorship of the brand that I had been building for the past 10 years, and will be replaced with a newly appointed distributor for the region.
It was a huge blow to me and my family as this was our main source of income and we had existing overheads and expenses, which would require sufficient revenue to cover.
I could not believe that all the hard work that I had put in over the past 10 years was over after one meeting, and we were left stranded with no backup plans and definitely no immediate source of income that was able to cover our existing overheads. The pain and fear were so real and I felt my heart tearing into pieces, and that was when I started to reflect on whom and what do we pledge our allegiance to, and to whom and what should we serve in our lives that will make life worth the living?
The security that I thought I was building for the future was no security at all, in fact, it was very fragile! During the time of grieving (for the lost of income and career) and pouring out my heart to the Lord, I experienced a few important moments with God that contributed to some major turning points in my life, and strengthened my faith in God.
1. God is my Healer
The quiet time spent with God in praying, reading His word and allowing the Holy Spirit to reveal His words to me, showed me that the trial was painful but beneficial for me. I have lost my way and was too focused chasing my dream and ended up putting God aside in my daily life. I went to church and served God, but apart from that, my work engulfed me. It required a drastic situation to catch my attention and realign my priorities once again, and that made me accept the situation that I was in, and helped me release my anger and sense of betrayal I felt towards the other party. I understood that God loves me, and that is why He did not want me or my family to continue pursuing the wrong path and wrong purposes.
2. God is my Provider
During the confusing and worrying time, there were wonderful people that reached out to us and introduced us to several principals. Out of several meetings, there were two different principals who were compassionate about our situation and decided to support us by providing us goods at credit in hopes that it will help tide us through the tough times. We are very grateful, as we did not know them personally, but the Lord’s favor has been gracious to us and we were able to function again within one month.
It was funny because during that time, our church kept mentioning about Moses and my husband was always sharing Moses’s story with me. Seeing how God provided and led the Israelites out of Egypt into the Promised Land, I too believed that God is always providing for us ‘just enough” and as we seek His will and His way, there is a Promised Land flowing with milk and honey awaiting us.
3. Trading with God is always Win Win
To give up something that I love and I think is beneficial for me is painful. Deep inside my heart i knew the work is takingtoo much of my time and my life is not balanced, but I still held tightly onto it. On hindsight, I recalled several occasions over the past few years where I received prompting from God and advise from wise counsel to realign my priorities and to think about what was becoming my ‘idol’, but I ignored it and did not do anything about it.
God reminded me of a vision I had in Teenz Camp (when I was a youth), and I remember doing barter trade with an unknown figure, I gave him a chicken and he gave me a cow (wah, untung lah), and then I gave him some beautiful smooth stones and he gave me diamonds (lagi untung loh)! That was when God said to me, “When you give up the things you hold so dearly and surrender them to Me, you will never be short changed.When you trade with Me, I always have something better in store for you. When you give to Me, you will receive even better things from Me, and you will never be disappointed or betrayed. Man may fail you, but I, Your God and Your Father, will never fail you!.”
Even until now, I still struggle to give up my Self and let God reign. This revelation taught me to give up my pain, my sense of ownership over my work, my anger, my unforgiveness, my fear of the future, my insecurities, my loved ones, my relationships and every cherished thing and person in my life and surrender them to God. Indeed, when trading with God, we are at a better end of the deal.
When we gain God, we have no fear of losing anything, and it is an important lesson that I am willing and am grateful to have learnt and will continue learning. This was when I finally began to understand a little bit about this verse (which I used to fear reading last time):
For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? (Matthew 16:25-26)
In conclusion, I have gained more than I have lost in this ordeal, I am glad I went through these challenges in my early-mid adulthood. Although our company have not fully recovered financially and is still going through the rebuilding process, we have gained more of Christ and have since gained a more rightful motivation in our life. Strange enough, I have never felt so relieved, set free, and contented. God is good and will always be. Amen.